Big News!

Breakthrough!

I can hardly believe it myself but...DH agent always sends him out to SAG (Screen Actors Guild aka: actors mafia union) auditions, even though he is not a SAG member...

Well, this time it was worth it! He booked a Wells Fargo SAG commercial. It's called Taft-Hartley (you can google it--good luck!) when you are not a SAG member & they use you--but he will now be able to become a SAG member. This is a HUGE step & praise report.

This will open the doors for him to now get a 'theatrical' agent, which is an agent for tv & film. His current agent is only a 'commercial' agent. SAG can have a higher pay scale plus residuals. This commercial is in English too, which will be more exposure. This will also create more opportunity to actually DO tv and film gigs.

He got the call while we were at church. It was so exciting. It was a little bittersweet for him because he was unable to share it with his dad. { :( } Towards the end I was able to share our PRAISE report with our congregation, then our pastor and his wife (who is also an actress) prayed over us. It was so neat to be able to share this awesome news, as it happened, with our church family.

Living the Dream, living the Dream! SQUEeeeeeee!!!

In other news...

Happy Thanksgiving!

I know--that was last week, right? It was the first major holiday since my Father in Law died. ugh. I was not looking forward to what was sure to be an emotionally draining day. More draining than emotional for me, personally. This isn't even addressing *my own* extended family drama that I have purposely avoided writing about this past year, either!

Everyone had decided to celebrate Thanksgiving at my Mother in law's house this year. Normally Thanksgiving is not an extended family event on my husband's side. This year it was though. No one wanted MIL to have to be alone. That was thoughtful.

We get there and I don't remember why but I was really tired which was making me cranky. We were all hungry because we were supposed to have been eating our Thanksgiving meal already but we had to wait for LATE family members. Not too fun to skip a meal and extend hunger for hours. I was napping in my SIL room when my middle-not-so-little burst in to tell me some 'news'.

I JUMPED up and ran to the living room! WHAT!?!?!?!

After my initial inward jealousy---I was SO excited to hear. The entire atmosphere suddenly changed in the house. Instead of an unverbalized but noticeable feelings of sorrow and emptiness there was overwhelming JOY & excitement. WHAT? (I think I screamed!) Positive energy filled the house with laughter and happiness.

What could overshadow the loss? What could possibly replace the overwhelming feeling of 'something missing'?

TWINS!!!!!!!

My husband's sister is having TWINS!!!!

Is there anything more refreshing, more symbolic of Hope, than the anticipation of new life? Just as God sent his own son, the Hope of the world, symbolized in the birth of a baby, a fresh new life that would conquer death. So this wonderful news, given on Thanksgiving day, represents a new Hope. For a family still in mourning, still experiencing deep grief, we have this wonderful gift--a double gift, to look forward to!

I am so unbelievably excited! I can't wait to find out their genders so I can begin to make sweet gifts, crocheted beanies and booties, soft sewed shoes, cuddly toys! SQUEEEE!!!! I'm THRILLED!

Happy Birthday mom.

Somewhat melancholy but it was ok. 

This morning we went to the beach for regular Saturday morning beach volleyball.  We haven't been for awhile. I walked w/ the babe and enjoyed the gorgeous weather.  It was breezy but not too chilly.  We followed the paved trail a ways then back tracked along the shore line. It's easy to push a stroller along the water's edge and I thought baby would like the change of scenery.  He fell asleep. I had a nice long conversation w/ God. Well, I tried to anyway but one of us was quite wordy and the other couldn't get much of  a word in edge wise. I think He got his point across though cause I found myself asking for forgiveness for quite a few things.

Later we did some not-Spring cleaning to get ready for Christmas, make room for our hope-we-get-a-tree.  Dh barBq'd and few friends and family came over. We hung out in the back yard and had a bonfire going. It was a nice night for that, clear and cool.

I am so blessed to live in such a great area with a wonderful climate. Being at the beach in the morning was way too nice.  I am so blessed that God chose me to be born in CA. It sounds funny but I am so serious. 

I rearranged my living room a bit, in prepration for Christmas.   This required taking a lot of the books and items off the bookshelves. In doing so, many forgotten books literally jumped out at me. 

One is: Hundred Dollar Holiday, The Case for a More Joyful Christmas.  I highly recommend it. I never finished it when I got it but I understood the gist of it in the first few pages.  I'm reading it again now.  It confirms and affirms how I feel about 'stuff' in general and is encouraging when faced with the temptations of all that is glittery, especially during this season of high consumerism.`

I forgot to mention...

I {fiiiiiinalyyyyy} finished and submitted my application to return to school.  University, here I come. I hope.  Only took me 1.5 months of procrastinating to accomplish it.  It's out of my hands now. 

When I actually finished the online app--I was suddenly gripped with fear.  What if this is a mistake?  What if I really don't have time?  What if it's the wrong major? what if, what if, what if?  I felt SO nervous I could not hit that submit button.  I went to bed instead--to sleep on it. 

I was up early the next morning.  I immediately got online and clicked submit before I had time to talk myself out of it.  It was rather anti-climactic, actually.  I didn't feel any different really.  Maybe I will next Fall.....

I keep asking myself: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

I don't pretend to buy into a 'having it all' mentality. I don't believe it's possible.  So how will I do this? I'm not sure myself.  Maybe it will only be 2 classes at a time?  I do know it won't be without God. I know I felt confident in the plan He gave me so I am sticking to it.  Yes, I agree, it sounds crazy.

I have to keep reminding myself that my life has changed.  I have changed--I think.  It's not a bad life and it's not bad to change.  I don't know how exactly I'll get to the end of the big picture, the final destination, which is a clear vision God has given me.  I'll leave those fine details to Him.

I will continue to strive towards it, since He has shown me the big picture....at least for now.  I can't be afraid of making a mistake.  Fear is immobilizing.  I can get so afraid of making the wrong choice that I make no choice.  Not moving is not an option.  You have to move in this life.  Hopefully forward.  If you end up moving back a few paces, that is ok too.

No fear!

Close to hitting bottom...

Last night our car was impounded. (which is a nicer way of saying repossessed, it is what it is) Besides humiliating, it is quite a freaky feeling. One minute we are relaxing at home, DH was eating some ice cream then *suddenly* he realized our car was not out front. Freeeeeaky!

They had a right to take it, of course. No denying that. I just can't believe it has come to that. My emotional response felt very PTSD-ish! My chest got tight, hard to breathe, shock, numbness & finally tears from deep within myself that I could not control or stop. Eventually, I even cried myself to sleep later too.

It's not about the car--it's a hunk of junk, that we will try to get back, somehow. It's the fact that it came to this. DH actually did 2 great jobs (commercials) last month but for some reason (unusual) he has not been paid on them yet. (that's a whole other blog) I kept hoping (& praying) he would get paid in time to catch the van up to date...but it hasn't happened yet.

I can live with out a car. That's no big deal. The good thing is, the life that we lead, we often *choose* to walk to run errands. We live within walking distance of most places we go to like the park and library, post office and grocery store, even our church. My children will not notice much of a difference really.

It will be a bit inconvenient when DH has his shows or auditions. Most of our extended families have extra cars (1 to 1 ratio) to help us when needed...so far. Hopefully it will not last too long.

Really though, it's just so NOT about that. It's so embarrassing and humiliating. Having to explain...kwim? Being how old and experiencing this? I am too old for this. Shouldn't we have established careers by now?

It's not even that this happened....it's everything that led up to this happening that really haunts me. Unresolved issues. Open wounds that run deep...

I even tried not to, but I just *can't* seem to shake still having *hope*.
;-)

I figure we'll have quite a rags to riches story.....someday.

Bad Mommy Moment #542 & 543

I was @ the library the other day, feeling very good mommyish. I had to change baby while there and when I put him back in his stroller, although my lovely Birdy reminded me, I did not buckle him into his seat, like I normally do. I figured I was going to take him right back out when I returned to our table.  As I reentered the library, I was craftily distracted by the Friends of the Library, books for sale. They had a rolling cart filled with irresistable Christmas craft books.  I perused the cheaply priced books to see if there was one I just *had* to have that would warrant spending the $1 I had found on our walk there.

Suddenly Birdy says MOM! and I had to gasp as I look down and see my sweet baby entangled in the straps of his stroller. He had flipped himself completely over (from a sitting position) onto his stomach, his feet hanging out the front of the stroller! Of course I quickly glanced around to see if anyone had taken note of my 'bad mommy moment'. Whew!

Then I had placed him on my bed to change his clothes. His head was toward the middle of the bed, with his feet facing the edge.  My room is very small so I literally only needed to turn slightly to grab a pair of pants for him. Faster than I can type this, I turned back around & his head was at the end of the bed along with his whole body, ready to take a nose dive any second!! Baby K!!!! What was he thinking? Goodness. I hadn't even stepped away from the bed. That little baby is quick, I tell ya.

I have a feeling K might keep his angels (and this momma) on their toes...

Who knew football could be *Cute*?

Tonight we went to a football game.  A highschool football game. My Dh highschool football game.  It was their 20 year championship football team reunion. Not a highschool reunion, but a reunion for the football team that won back to back CIF championships.  It was so CUTE!

They met pre-game in the teacher's lounge.  The old coaches were there.  They had food and snacks, football balloons and old friends. They gave each player a goody bag w/ a complimentary program of the evening, a tshirt w/ the original championship design and a dvd copy of the winning game from 20 years ago.  During the game they were able to be out on the field and were escorted and introduced during half time.

Afterward, we met up @ a resaurant.  DH wore his highschool letterman jacket. It still fit. A bit tighter than 20 years ago but he could snap it up. It was cute to see him so excited.  It was fun to watch the game...even if the team is NOT so good this year.

We saw some people from church supporting their student. I LOVE how I can be out & about & run into people from church. *That* is 'community'.

It's also interesting to note that normally, in our 'circle' we have the oldest child. Around all these football players, our oldest was one of the youngers....many players had 18-19 year old kids. Public school results? We'll never know...

Healing

Oldest DS has been experiencing pain in various muscles and especially one of his shoulders. That shoulder is *very* visibly lower than the other.(by @ least an inch or more) A few nights ago, we decided to lay hands on him & pray. It was Birdy and myself. We prayed for healing, no more pain etc. After the first prayer, he said the pain was noticeably less. We prayed again & again he said he was feeling better & he asked for us to pray specifically for his elbows and joints. We prayed again. Also after each prayer we kept checking the balance of his shoulders. We noticed his chest muscles were also obviously different sizes. We layed hands on his chest & continued praying for healing, no pain, straight spine, symmetry, strong muscles etc etc etc.



Afterward, his shoulders were VERY visibly equal, if anything only a centimeter difference. To make sure we weren't imagining it, he even went in the bathroom to look in the mirror to confirm for himself. He came back & agreed. (& we checked again to make triple sure) He said when we prayed the last time that he felt his arm/shoulder physically move up. We did not have our hands on his shoulder or arm @ all either!!!

I don't know why I doubt but I kept asking him how it felt for the next few days afterward. I think God allowed the healing to NOT happen instantaneously after the first prayer, in oder to allow our faith to grow and as it did, more healing took place. Either way, pretty cool if you ask me!!!

Halloween Haze

Once again a crazy making week produces fun results.  I wasn't into Halloween that much this  year but we all love to dress up.  Nearly last minute, inspiration finally hit!

We somehow decided Birdy would be Lil Red Riding Hood and S would be the werewolf. Oldest decided to be a 50's Greaser and baby K would be a froggy. How to implement everything on a limited budget? Heck--on NO budget?

I dug through my fabric stash & searched google images for inspiration.(first pic on the left) I found the sweetest LRH costume and was determined to recreate it to the best of my ability. I started with the cape, not to hard to manage. I had some cheap faux velvet.  Then the skirt, I had some thin red corduroy. We pulled out a white button up shirt left over from a few Christmases ago.  I went to my favorite Ribbon Store to stock up on some eyelet lace trim for less than $4. Found a bit of black velvet in the stash for the vest look up top. No basket but we scored a free trickRtreat bucket from Michael's Arts n Crafts Store.  I attached the white fabric apron to the skirt and made it a tie on wrap skirt.  It ended up a wee bit too big, but you'd never know.

Here was the finished product: 

That was the best shot we got--it was sunny and hot, but she looked great.  This pic was taken early, the ribbon in front actually went up much higher up on the shirt.

Our werewolf was having a hard time deciding how he wanted his werewolf to dress.  He finally decided he wanted to focus more on face makeup. I have a professional theatrical make up kit. He did want furry hands though. (I had some black furry fabric in the stash) Oldest got the brilliant idea to make the furry gloves fingerless. He actually sewed them once I pieced them together. (it was a family affair!)

He then wore a Tshirt, ripped jeans, a suit jacket he had and his regular converse.

DH ended up doing S's make up and it came out fabulous!!! Thank goodness cause I never did that well in my theater make up class.

Later we painted his nails (claws) black.  Oldest was able to pull his costume together with a basic white T, a pair of blue jeans, and his black converse.  We added the appropriate touches like cuffed jeans, a black leather jacket some uncle had given him, a crayon box folded up into the sleeves of his T to represent 'cigs' along with a white crayon by his ear.  I did have to help him do his hair. heehee.  I especially loved the curl we did in the middle of his forehead.

{pic to be added}

Baby K, well he was just the cutest frog EVER!!! I crocheted him a green froggy head beanie.  He didn't really own any green clothing except a onesie and that just wouldn't do for an Autumn night.  We found a green pair of leggings on clearance @ Target for less than $2 and a green long sleeve shirt with a green frog looking monster on the front with the words FEED ME for $4. So his total costume cost was $6!!

I did not have a chance to whip out anything for myself.  I ended up feeling almost fluish anyway.  We spent the evening w/ friends, which was nice cause the Wife made some delicious chicken soup and chili.  We carved pumpkins, the kiddos decorated cup cakes, trickRtreated and played.

I am still impressed that for 4 kids & 5 costumes (DH was working but he was a werewolf too), we spent under $10! 

This morning...

My oldest is in 11th grade & will be 17 in Jan. (arg! I can't believe it myself! boohoo...wahwah! lol)  He has been prayed over, blessed & received many prophetic words, this past year and a half especially. They have a tendency to focus on his gift of wisdom, in comparison to his age. I have no doubt God has great plans for his life, as He does for each of us, but many children are never told or encouraged in that way.

Well this morning at church, he was spoken over and blessed in a different way.  We had guest worshipers. The women leading is from the Chumash tribe of Native Americans and the rest of her team is Native American as well.  First a man came in dancing and his native dress was like that of a bird, an eagle I think. He had feathers, like wings along his arms. I immediately felt moved to tears watching him. I can't really say why.

After more music and dancing the leader, Ruth, called up Pastor David to offer him gifts and some prophetic words. Then she felt led to call up a *youth*.  Pastor David chose Ernie, my oldest. She and her team offered him gifts as well and spoke prophetic and encouraging words to him individually and in general as a representative of the next generation.

It was so amazing to watch this all happen.  I felt so humbled and so blessed.

They gave the pastor a blanket and also my son a blanket. It had a picture of wolves on it. Ruth shared that she felt the wolves were like the youth. Wolves tend to have a bad reputation in the wilderness but they are respected animals by the Native Americans. They said that it has been said that when little Native American children would wander away from the village, wolves would lead them home.

One of their team, another pastor, said even when E goes out into the world, he will always be able to find his way home & he will always have a home to return to. Another woman gave him one of her hand crafted instruments.  It was a stick, a thick branch really, that was split half way down the middle to make a clapping sound.  She had engraved: Joy of the Lord, on it. She told him that she cared about the youth.

They also asked him what he was sensing or feeling and he said that he feels sometimes that people look at him and think: you're 'just' a kid, but that he *does* have something to offer.  They agreed with him and spoke more encouraging words to him about being a leader of the future, that maybe they would be listening to him leading one day, that they want to learn from him...

It was so neat & such a blessing to watch this unfold. This verse came to mind...as my heart was moved.

Luke 2:19 But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. 

Later he gave her a piece of prophetic art he did during the service and she understood it immediately. S gave her one too. He showed it to me first but all I saw in it was colored scribble scrabble and musical notes. When she showed it to me I could then see the scribble scrabble was actually giant hearts on the page.  Even I knew exactly what it meant for her and she did too. She was very touched and blessed by the pictures she received and our children.

I am so consistently amazed and blessed by my children. I want to be such a better mother to them.